Finding focus

My mind is wandering today. There's something about Mondays that seems to prompt this sort of behavior in my head. On Sundays, I go to bed with my to-do list long and ambitious. I've had the whole weekend to look around the house at everything that needs to be done and know that THIS is the week it will happen. From writing to working out to home-improvement projects to, well, whatever, THIS week I will do it.

And here it is, 1 p.m., and my list is still sitting in front of me.

So I'm wondering what other people do to find focus? I'm not one of those militant types, strict about schedules and good about following rules (this habit did not serve me well as a younger person, by the way). But I do have a need to be busy, and if I don't have a to-do list looming, I feel like I'm wasting time.

What is the balance between the two? How does one stay on task but not SO on task that they miss the fun in life, the spontaneity that comes with tossing the list aside and reading a book all day or turning the one-hour dog run into an all-day adventure? How do we feel accomplished yet not overworked? I don't know if I'm ever going to find that balance -- maybe it's a character flaw that has me always chastising myself to do more.

The thing is, I throw the to-do list away all the time, opting for the all-day mushing or reading or playing with the kids. But I don't lose the guilt that comes at the end of the week, knowing the things on my list did not get accomplished, either. And that's what bugs me.

In writing, as in training for any sport, it does take some bit of militant attitude to keep going, and I remind myself of this when my mind or body starts to wander. You know the wornout cliche, "No pain, no gain?" It applies to both writing and training for a sport.

Today, for instance, I want to run outside instead of doing the bike trainer ride my coach prescribed. I want to read a book I'm into instead of finishing the freelance stories whose deadlines are looming. I want to call my sister and talk for an hour instead of finishing the painting on a home project we've got going.

But I have to stay focused, remember my to-do list, and peck away at it bit by bit. I have to find that balance but keep that focus. And, more important, I have to be at peace with it all rather than have this inner struggle about what I "should" be doing.

So that inner struggle is what prompted today's post: How do we get that balance? How do we stay focused yet still have fun? I wish someone out there had the perfect answer to this conundrum. Because my head aches thinking about it all the time and it would be so nice to check off "Mellow Out" on my to-do list!